MARRIAGE Involves Admitting We Need Help!

I am a type A personality. I am a YELLOW/RED temperament. Both of these describe someone with endless energy and passionate determination. Also included is a tiny bit of “I can do it by myself” and “I am always right” attitude (the RED tendency). Although, I’m certain no one has ever noticed that about me.

For the first 20 years of our marriage, I appeared to be successful at pulling my own weight on the grand scale of regulated duties of husband and wife.

Court-sign-2

 

I didn’t need any help.  Actually, I may have  said those words on occasion.

Why is it so difficult for some of us to admit we need help?

I am not certain exactly when it happened; but, life is definitely more difficult now than it was when we were first married. I seem to need help…constantly- just to live a normal life!

These days, I do laundry – never quite completing the final load. I do dishes – never completely cleaning the kitchen. I change sheets – never quite finishing making the beds. Yesterday, I vacuumed the living room and Duane asked me if I was done – because the vacuum was sitting in the middle of the room. Really? Yes, I supposed I was done.

I love a clean house; but, it seems I am no longer as concerned about the finished details as I have been in the past.

I lost interest in cooking several years ago.  Miraculously, it was around the same time Duane started watching Rachel Ray and his beloved cooking channel. He is the chef in residence now! He thinks cooking is FUN!

Drama camp ended three weeks ago.  Costumes and props were still waiting to be put away. If not for one of our granddaughters, who came to help yesterday, who knows when they would have been returned to the costume attic.

I am the queen of Christmas, and have always unloaded and reloaded the attic of massive boxes of decorations on my own time schedule…the RIGHT way…until lately. I need help.

Admittedly, if I have spare time, I’d much rather shop, read a book or write my blog than do housework.  However, I never used to be like this. Admitting I need help is a tough one for me.  Over the years, it probably has triggered some unpleasant behavior on my part.  Shocking, I know.

Fortunately, I married a man who is unbelievably patient and forgiving. In fact, he is a natural care-giver. He is a BLUE/RED temperament.  The BLUE gives him a huge heart, sensitive spirit and a desire to help. Why did it take me SO long to appreciate him or admit I can’t live without him?

I think God rolls His eyes as He watches some of us bulldoze our way through life – doing things our own way, and not asking for His help.

ALL temperaments have this weakness.

We get self-sufficient and strong minded and think this is a good thing? The Bible is full of verses cautioning us to seek God’s help as we tend to plow through life with our own agendas and strength.

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding! In all your ways acknowledge God and He will direct your paths”! Proverbs 3:5 & 6

The Bible is full of stories about people who tried doing things their own way, with their own strength. They disastrously dove in head first to catastrophic results.  I’ve read about them hundreds of times.

God actually created humans to need HIM.  To reinforce this lesson, He gave us marriage as a picture of our relationship with Him – with a man and wife needing each other!

Hello! I am amazed how many bad results are required for me to learn some lessons. (I can’t keep blaming my behavior on my delightful YELLOW temperament).

None of us were intended to “go it alone” in this life! God not only wants us to ask His help; but, He has furnished many of us with spouses and family who are here to help as well!

“But you asked God for help and He gave you the victory. God is always on the alert, constantly on the lookout for people who are totally committed to him”.   II Chronicles’ 16:8 (The Message)

Lesson is being learned.

Thank you, Duane, for all your help.

“Oh! Did I just hear you call me to dinner?”

 

To find out more about your temperament and how you think- check out The Real You by Vicki Barnes.

 

 

 

Please note: I reserve the right to delete comments that are offensive or off-topic.

  • Lauren Merchian

    As a Red/Blue I too had a hard time saying I needed help. I wanted to care for the kids myself not believing anyone could do as good a job as me. I also took charge, of financials, food, shopping, back then I think the only thing I asked of my husband was to take out the trash. I ran the show in every way. Then, five years ago, I got punched in the gut and it re-defined me. The Lord allowed me to become sick. I say allow because we prayed for healing and it wasn’t granted. Right after the birth of my Daughter I became bedridden. As a red that wasn’t enough to make me submissive to anyone. However the fact that the more I “bulldozed” through, the worse I got, was. Granted it took me three years to break my stubbornness, but I had to depend on others so often it eventually happened. My husband used his blue/green spirit to camouflage red and take care of everything, even me. I’ve since gotten better, I won’t lie and tell you our red attidudes don’t clash, but my marriage is much better rounded than ever. I can submit and ask for help, while he can be unwavering and make strong choices. It worked for us, but I don’t recommend someone doing it the way we had to….

    • thekathleenchapman

      Thanks Lauren- it takes some of us much longer than others to learn our lessons!!