I Need a NEW Husband!

I Need a NEW Husband!

It started out a normal day at our house. Duane wakes up first around 5am (without an alarm clock), in fact, we have never set an alarm clock in our 40 some years of marriage. He showers and heads downstairs for coffee. (He drinks it from a cup I bought just for him, have washed and put in the cupboard just as he likes).



I get up next, but always stop at my upstairs office to check emails.

However, when I walked downstairs this morning, the house was empty. My husband was gone! No goodbye kiss, no “I love you, see you in a few hours,”


I was stunned. The house is empty. He simply left? Obviously I don’t mean that much to him anymore. Apparently he didn’t give me another thought once he got up this morning. After decades of our morning ritual of good-byes- he can just drive off and forget I am even a part of his life? He is a BLUE and usually incredible thoughtful! What happened?

I bet he wore a shirt I had washed, dried and painstakingly hung in his closet –yet it meant nothing. I wondered if he even noticed I had his shirts organized in order of their colors to make it easier for him to grab the one he wants to wear?

As he walked to his car outside, he had to pass mine in the driveway, did he not even think of me then? Once he jumped into his car, he would have seen my water bottle I mistakenly left when we went out yesterday. Did THAT not make him remember I was home alone without any farewell salutation today?

My mind immediately raced to what I might have done to cause this blatant shun on his part so early in the week. Had I said something unkind to him before going to bed last night? From my memory, I vaguely recall we watched HIS favorite show (American Pickers) before turning in for bed last night. No, this is nothing I have brought on myself I am totally confident.

Twenty minutes have passed since the realization our marriage has evidently meant nothing to Duane all these years. I am borderline devastated. I have been tossed aside.

What I need is a new husband.

I need someone who will value my devotion and sacrifice these next best years of my life- I don’t have many to go, I’m afraid. Maybe THAT is why he left so hastily this morning.

He wants someone younger!

Wow! Such a slap in the face! I am proud to say I’ve kept my girlish figure just for him, and don’t have a hint of gray hair on my head. I have energy to spare and 10 grandkids that will attest to the fact I can keep up with them! AND I am a fun YELLOW!

How dare he try to throw me over for a younger model. Just because he is still handsome doesn’t automatically mean young women will be standing in line to beg for his attentions!

I will be the first to tell the brainless floozies of his many bad habits and aging aches and pains. I will hold nothing back. Just let them try to keep up with his medication lists and tool quirks as a wood worker. “A place for everything and everything in its place”…He isn’t that good of a catch believe me!

Wait, someone is at the front door.

For a split second I fear it may be law enforcement notifying me of a car accident or worse involving Duane. My heart skips a beat.

Oh my! It is Duane! He is back home! He brought cinnamon rolls and my favorite Chai tea.

Today is a holiday?

He wanted to surprise me when I came downstairs, but the line at the coffeehouse was very long- he is sorry I had to wait?

It is Memorial Day.

I’m totally exhausted. It is not even 6am. 

I need a nap, not a new husband.



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