This week, I have been asked to speak on MY top 10 secrets of a happy marriage again at a young moms’ group. I am so glad Duane and I are having a good week.
After 47 years of marriage, yes, he is my best friend and we are very happy…this week. Just sayin…love doesn’t mean every week runs smoothly or happily! We have fun working on it!
So many approach marriage as though this huge event in their lives will assure their forever happiness. I know that is exactly how I felt. I had met the man of my dreams and I just knew – beyond any shadow of doubt – when we got married, we would live happily ever after! That created a whole lot of PRESSURE for my unsuspecting groom!
Marriage is a day by day by day intentionally lived life.
GREENS are NICE and PEACEFUL. They are actually the nicest people you will meet in the world.
If you know someone who seems too nice to be true, you have met a GREEN temperament.
Consistently kind, GREENS make the world a better place. Those with this incredibly nice, peaceful temperament are the real deal.
My brother-in-law married into our family about 40 years ago. From day one, he was the nicest guy I’d ever met. We are a rather loud, vocal family, and I worried how he would adjust. He never had to raise his voice to make a point, or get his opinion across, at family gatherings. I asked my sister if he was like this at home. “What you see is what you get; yes, he is always remarkably calm!” Her smile convinced me she was telling the truth!
To this day, Glenn has been true to the GREEN reputation. He is a peacekeeper who values warm, personal relationships. He is independent, reflective, reliable, steady and NICE. GREENS are good listeners and clear thinkers- but do not usually give advice unless they are asked.
GREENS strive to avoid conflict and confrontation at all costs. Controversy is a peacekeeper’s nightmare. So, to avoid it, they often keep their mouths shut, refraining from voicing objections or opinions. They are content when life is on an even keel and things are running smoothly.
GREENS are well-rounded individuals who are not prone to extremes.
The GREEN temperament is also simple to identify in children. Let me give you an example:
My son-in-law, Bob, challenged me to compare temperament colors to cartoon characters in Winnie the Pooh collection of children’s stories.
How perfect for this post on the BLUE temperament. Pooh Bear is a perfect BLUE!
“If ever there is tomorrow when we’re not together…there is something you must always remember. You are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think but the most important thing is, even if we’re apart…I’ll always be with you.” ~ Winnie the Pooh
The deepest of all the temperaments is the BLUE. No, this is not my conclusion. It is the joint conclusion of every authority on temperaments dating back decades upon decades. BLUES are the thinkers, planners and deepest feelers of the world.
Weekly, I speak on the Four Temperaments and – invariably – am asked, “Can you describe each temperament in one sentence?”
Here goes: REDS will HELP you do it RIGHT…IMMEDIATELY!
YELLOWS just want to have FUN and FRIENDS.
BLUES are PLANNERS, who care VERY DEEPLY.
GREENS are the NICEST, who love PEACE and QUIET.
Done. Of course there is SO much more to each temperament, because each has its strengths and weaknesses. Also, the same temperaments can look different considering the age, gender, background and, sometimes, special physical challenges of each person.
Let’s focus on YELLOWS for a moment. I guarantee each YELLOW person wants FUN in his/her life.
This is also obvious in very young YELLOWS. Our YELLOW granddaughter has never missed attending a birthday party to which she has been invited. Actually, she has been known to invite herself to parties and, sadly, has had to learn not everyone in the world wants to meet her.
Of the four temperaments, I think REDS most often get a bad rap. Since this is my second temperament, I feel responsible to point out some great RED characteristics which may be sadly misunderstood by the general population.
Charles Schultz captures this temperament in the character of Lucy Van Pelt, from the Peanuts and Gang cartoon series. Charlie Brown’s dear friend, Lucy is characterized as strong, somewhat stubborn with a bossy personality. However, she is very bright and deep down has a soft side when it comes to those she loves.
Our RED granddaughter has potential, strength, spunk, and self confidence enough to be a future President of the United States – all this at 11 years old. The fact that she has fiery red hair is an added bonus. RED children are strong kids.
I was speaking last week to a group of young moms of pre-schoolers (MOPS). After I finished, a young woman came up to question my philosophy of teaching children the meaning of the word NO before they are a year old. I suggest consequences to make a small toddler obey his/her parents. Usually, it takes only two or three events before you have an obedient, respectful child!
No more yelling, threats, punishments or guilt.
This young mom had tears in her eyes as she described her 3-year old daughter as an adorable, fun-loving child to whom she has never given consequences. She has never told her NO because she doesn’t need to. “My little girl doesn’t obey me all the time; but, I honestly don’t think she understands it is disobeying. I would never want to squelch her free, creative spirit.”
I asked if her daughter comes when she calls her name. “Well, sometimes,” she smiled as though it was funny, “But, she is an absolute joy.”
I asked if she would respond to her mom’s voice in an emergency- maybe a warning about a hot stove, an oncoming car or a stranger who would attempt to grab her?
Her eyes widened…
I was probably 10 years old when our parents announced we were going on our first camping trip as a family. I believe we borrowed a very large tent, if memory serves me right; because, I never saw it again after that trip. My brother was allowed to take a friend so, counting my sister and me, there would be six of us in close sleeping quarters.
I remember getting brand new sleeping bags and helping mom with meal ideas. We had a large new cooler, for storing our food, and the Sequoia National Park campsite furnished the barbeque stove and picnic table.
This was going to be a trip of a lifetime! We had never been camping as a family. I was so excited I could hardly sleep for days before our trip.
We drove, what seemed like forever, until we finally arrived at our destination. Our tent was pitched close to a creek!! Could this vacation get any better? Within minutes our shoes were off and we were wading in the ice cold water by the campsite.
Everything was going perfectly, until it was time to go to the bathroom.
“Is it possible my TEENAGER’S temperament has changed?”
My first response: “A temperament is a pre-disposition. A person is born with primarily two dominant temperament types (out of four) – and they are his/hers for life.”
A temperament can certainly take on different appearances, however, depending on age, living conditions, changes in life and various situations. The temperament does not change. BUT, one may notice new behavior, because circumstances have changed.
The most important information to remember-temperaments are transformed when you include God in the equation!
Each temperament has positive and negative characteristics. So, when God takes over a temperament, He evens out the negatives and enhances the positives, using their finest qualities for His Glory. God created us, and our temperaments; therefore, it makes perfect sense to give Him the reigns if we want successful lives!
The mom, who prompted this post, asked me, “Now that my sweet daughter is a teenager, she is suddenly belligerent! She has turned into a totally different person. She refuses to talk to, or acknowledge, me or her dad because we have new cell phone rules in the house! Has her temperament changed?”
I prefer living in a fantasy world. It is more fun. As a child, I loved reading fiction. I grew up dreaming and pretending, because my childhood seemed boring and uneventful. Nancy Drew Mysteries filled my days with excitement!
By high school, I had read every Grace Livingston Hill book
in our school library. I was determined to grow up experiencing thrilling romance, and of course, meeting the Christian man of my dreams. We would have beautiful children, buy our dream home and live happily ever after.
I accepted Jesus into my heart as a small child, but never gave much thought to God having a PLAN for my life.
One of “my kids,” who grew up in musical theatre as a small child, made a point to say good-bye to me the weekend he left for college. I was leaving church, out the side door to make a quick getaway, and he surprised me with a big hug as I came around the corner.
“I knew I’d see you if I came to this side door, he smiled, “You always went out this way when you were in a rush to leave church.”
“Seriously? You knew that about me?”
“Yes,” he said, almost blushing as he stood over 6 feet tall now. “Miss Kathleen, you were my favorite teacher. I watched every move you made for most the years I was growing up in this church.”
Hoping he had no stalker tendencies, I questioned, “Can I ask you why?”
“Sure, because you were one of the people who I knew loved me; and, I watched everything you did.”
Whoa. I never knew that.
The rest of that afternoon I walked around the house, doing my Sunday afternoon routine stuff, wondering what ELSE he might have seen me do.