Marriage

I am an authority on marriage. I speak on this topic all around the country. Ask me about any aspect of marriage and I have accurately professional and remarkably enlightening answers for you.

10602011_m

Duane pursued me for nearly four years before I agreed to marry him. He promised we would be rich and have as many babies as I wanted. Neither has happened.

I envisioned ocean views from our balconies, rolling green lawns and housecleaners that would call me Mrs. Chapman. Not even close.

The last time I had my car washed, they requested I sign a special waiver stating if parts fall off during the cycle the car wash cannot be held responsible.

My washing machine is not the kind advertised on TV and my vacuum does not roll around on its front wheels.

My silverware is not actually silver. My crystal stemware is not crystal. And my diamonds? I will let you guess that one on your own.

I am funny, he is not. I am charming, he is not. I love shopping, he does not. I watch chick flicks, he likes car shows. I read and write, he saws and nails things.

What I always THOUGHT described a perfect marriage, is so far from reality and importance in real life that I even amuse myself.

Every personality test cautioned us to look elsewhere for mates.

However, I am loved unconditionally and I am shown this several times on a daily basis. I could stop right here and trump 90% of the married people I know.

Nevertheless, wait. There is more. I am married to my best friend. I would rather sit through MASH reruns on date night with him than travel the world with movie stars.

I am not being trite when I give God all the credit for our great marriage, because if you know Duane and me personally (and our temperaments) our happy marriage is humanly impossible.

God is funny. God’s marriage plans are so above ours that we are not even on the same playing field. God actually takes time from His universal duties to care about marriage. After all, marriage is HIS idea. So, consider this, it does make some sense on some level that God would want to reveal His miraculous power about this human union called marriage, and give us assistance.

Check out His book sometime.

Please note: I reserve the right to delete comments that are offensive or off-topic.