This week, I have been asked to speak on MY top 10 secrets of a happy marriage again at a young moms’ group. I am so glad Duane and I are having a good week.
After 47 years of marriage, yes, he is my best friend and we are very happy…this week. Just sayin…love doesn’t mean every week runs smoothly or happily! We have fun working on it!
So many approach marriage as though this huge event in their lives will assure their forever happiness. I know that is exactly how I felt. I had met the man of my dreams and I just knew – beyond any shadow of doubt – when we got married, we would live happily ever after! That created a whole lot of PRESSURE for my unsuspecting groom!
Marriage is a day by day by day intentionally lived life.
Weekly, I speak on the Four Temperaments and – invariably – am asked, “Can you describe each temperament in one sentence?”
Here goes: REDS will HELP you do it RIGHT…IMMEDIATELY!
YELLOWS just want to have FUN and FRIENDS.
BLUESare PLANNERS, who care VERY DEEPLY.
GREENS are the NICEST, who love PEACE and QUIET.
Done. Of course there is SO much more to each temperament, because each has its strengths and weaknesses. Also, the same temperaments can look different considering the age, gender, background and, sometimes, special physical challenges of each person.
Let’s focus on YELLOWS for a moment. I guarantee each YELLOW person wants FUN in his/her life.
This is also obvious in very young YELLOWS. Our YELLOW granddaughter has never missed attending a birthday party to which she has been invited. Actually, she has been known to invite herself to parties and, sadly, has had to learn not everyone in the world wants to meet her.
I was speaking last week to a group of young moms of pre-schoolers (MOPS). After I finished, a young woman came up to question my philosophy of teaching children the meaning of the word NO before they are a year old. I suggest consequences to make a small toddler obey his/her parents. Usually, it takes only two or three events before you have an obedient, respectful child!
No more yelling, threats, punishments or guilt.
This young mom had tears in her eyes as she described her 3-year old daughter as an adorable, fun-loving child to whom she has never given consequences. She has never told her NO because she doesn’t need to. “My little girl doesn’t obey me all the time; but, I honestly don’t think she understands it is disobeying. I would never want to squelch her free, creative spirit.”
I asked if her daughter comes when she calls her name. “Well, sometimes,” she smiled as though it was funny, “But, she is an absolute joy.”
I asked if she would respond to her mom’s voice in an emergency- maybe a warning about a hot stove, an oncoming car or a stranger who would attempt to grab her?
“Is it possible my TEENAGER’S temperament has changed?”
My first response: “A temperament is a pre-disposition. A person is born with primarily two dominant temperament types (out of four) – and they are his/hers for life.”
A temperament can certainly take on different appearances, however, depending on age, living conditions, changes in life and various situations. The temperament does not change. BUT, one may notice new behavior, because circumstances have changed.
The most important information to remember-temperaments are transformed when you include God in the equation!
Each temperament has positive and negative characteristics. So, when God takes over a temperament, He evens out the negatives and enhances the positives, using their finest qualities for His Glory. God created us, and our temperaments; therefore, it makes perfect sense to give Him the reigns if we want successful lives!
The mom, who prompted this post, asked me, “Now that my sweet daughter is a teenager, she is suddenly belligerent! She has turned into a totally different person. She refuses to talk to, or acknowledge, me or her dad because we have new cell phone rules in the house! Has her temperament changed?”
You have heard me say GREEN temperaments are the nicest people in the world. It is the truest statement that can be made about this temperament! They are nice and quiet.
I am blessed with a GREEN child, children-in-law, grandchildren, friends and BEST friends. I gravitate toward GREEN temperaments, because, they seem to enjoy life more that most. GREENS also calm me down and fill me with peace in crazy situations.
My dad was a GREEN temperament.In my entire life, he never raised his voice to me!I guarantee you, I gave him plenty of reasons to do so; but, he was the kindest person I ever knew.
Hang on, this segment will be a wild ride explaining the YELLOW temperament’s EMOTIONS!
The two strongest and loudest temperaments are RED and YELLOW.We discussed the RED, in my last post.Now, I will attempt to portray the YELLOW’s emotions – being as impartial as possible.
I am a YELLOW/RED.
A YELLOW’S emotions go WAY up, then WAY down, then sideways and back up again! That describes how I feel some mornings before getting out of bed!
YELLOWS are vivaciously expressive. They enjoy life to the fullest. YELLOWS usually wear their emotions on their sleeves- being the most dramatically animated temperament of all four. When emotions are up, they hope the world will join in their celebrations.When emotions are down, they expect the world to feel their pain as severely as they!
Every parent has experienced that moment of pure frustration and said, (or wanted to say)”THIS IS THE HARDEST STINKIN’ JOB IN THE WORLD- AND I DON’T EVEN GET PAID!!
These moments are not usually simultaneous with warm fuzzy times with your children. These moments typically occur during or shortly after a TANTRUM (Or something as traumatic) as you frantically search the kitchen for chocolate. Or ice cream. Or whatever is strong enough to ease the stress of feeling like you’re doing everything WRONG!
Today young mom, Roz, and I are taking on this wonderful subject: TANTRUMS AND MISBEHAVIOR AT ANY AGE.
This topic is too important to cover in just one podcast. This is part one of this topic, covering…
I had breakfast with a young RED mom, the other day, and listened how she struggles with her morning schedule – having three kids under five. I will admit, I was having flashbacks from when I was in her exact shoes. However, she has a definite advantage over me at that age.
She understands temperaments!
Her GREEN/BLUE husband has a completely opposite temperament from hers; and, her three little kids encompass all four temperament qualities among them. Two of her children are in pre-school and baby goes to grandma each morning, as both parents work.
She was describing her typical morning and I tried not to laugh. I truly know how she feels and I only had ONE GREENout of our three kids.
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Introducing my first Temperament podcast with Roz Mignogna, NTP, CD(DONA) Certified Nutritional Therapy Practitioner Certified Birth Doula (DONA) BA- Health Arts and Sciences.
I have known Roz since she was two years old, She grew up in my theatre workshops and her parents became our dearest friends. Her dad, Gene Roberson, is the musical genius with whom I write musicals. Her mom is our family Doctor.
Roz is now a young wife and mom of three girls, right in the middle of the parenting trenches. She asked if I would please dialogue with her on various topics, the first being temperaments. Roz has a website called Real Food Family.
Welcome to Real Food Family’s NEW “Real Family” Podcast with Kathleen Chapman!
I haven’t been this excited about a new blog in a LONG time!
You were introduced to my mentor, Kathleen Chapman, a while back with some video interviews I posted. During my recent cross-country trip, I became addicted to a few podcasts (like the Mom Heart podcast!) and was inspired to start my own podcast with the brilliant and fabulous Kathleen Chapman!
Whenever I get together with Kathleen to talk about family life, parenting and identifying temperaments I actually feel guilty I’m one of very few moms receiving her life-changing mentoring. Kathleen is one of the most fun yet powerful leaders I’ve ever known in my entire life. She impacts every person who meets or works with her in any way.
So now our REAL FAMILY podcast is my way of gifting Kathleen to more parents like me. Parents who need serious help navigating the incredibly unique temperaments of children and how those temperaments work with our own temperaments.
But this podcast isn’t only for parents. It’s for anyone who wants to master the art of having meaningful relationships with other people- family members, co-workers, employees, students, teachers, neighbors…you name it.
Understanding temperaments is about overcoming conflict and finding joy and fulfillment in relationships with others, then ultimately how we can submit our own temperaments to God to be used for His ultimate plan and glory.
Please support us by subscribing and leaving positive reviews!
I can’t wait to hear what you think of this new podcast! Please comment below and consider subscribing to the various avenues where we are publishing our podcasts. Then, of course, SHARE this podcast with someone if you were blessed and you think someone else may be blessed, too!
Find the “Real Family” Podcast posted in these locations: