A young woman boldly stared into my eyes and said, “I am done with my marriage. If it weren’t for the kids, I would be gone. Can you help me?”
I had just finished my entertaining temperament talk. Stepping from the stage, I was quite pleased to have left my audience laughing and refreshed for the day. She grabbed my arm before I reached my chair. Her plea sobered me instantly. I regrouped, took a deep breath and said, “Thanks for trusting me enough to ask for help.” She was desperate.
Every marriage has dry spells – or, horrible spells. You cannot live with someone 24/7 and not have seasons where you wonder how you got into this mess. All of us have been there. Many believe divorce is the only option, but that is devastating to us and our kids. If you want to rescue your marriage – and, abuse is not the issue – I guarantee my 5 P’s will do it. You must execute with a vengeance. This is a serious lifestyle change.
1. PRAY– daily. I do not mean, “Lord, thank you for the food and please help our marriage” prayer. I am talking prostrate on the bathroom floor, calling out to the God of the universe, and giving Him control over your marriage- your heart and your life – starting today.
2. PRIORITIZE your husband. He comes first (after God) – before the kids, before your family, before your wants and wishes, before girlfriends, before work, before any other distractions. It needs to be obvious to him and the rest of the world – starting today.
Truthfully, P’s #1 and #2 are often enough to salvage a struggling marriage. What? Isn’t this 2015 and vastly different from 45 years ago when I married? The Bible tells wives to respect their husbands – period. This is an all encompassing, intentional, holding nothing back, totally devoted, rock solid respect. For some of us, it could possibly be the hardest command in the entire Bible. However, it is shockingly easy with God’s help.
3. PUSH communication to a deeper lever. Ask personal questions like when you were dating. A couple times a year, Duane and I tell stories the other has never heard – like I received an A for a difficult school project, or Jr. High lost ball games, that were devastating. Get to know the child inside the adult. It will produce surprising closeness.
4. PURSUE each other. Make time for a date night every week– without the kids, and without friends. YOU may have to initiate it. Dress up and go out. Use manners. Flirt. Starting today, leave love notes around the house. (Because of my notes, Duane has never forgotten my birthday, our anniversary, Valentines or Mother’s Day- should I go on? )
5. PHYSICAL intimacy is self explanatory. Make it happen- starting today.
I am living proof this works. Oh, and did I mention these 5 P’s POWERFULLY transform your spouse before your eyes.
With God all things are possible. Matthew 19:26b